MOT results- Terveystarkastus

Well howdy campers!  How's the thingy called spring going in your neck of the woods? We ain't got one here in the UK. Oh noooo...snow still on ground. I am highly unimpressed to be honest. Hmph.

Haloo Suomi, miten kevät menee siellä? Englannissa on yhä lunta maassa joka on ennenkuulumatonta tähän aikaan vuodesta ja mulle ainakin jo riittäisi.Hmph.

Anyhow, I am 17 weeks down the line. On Sunday this week it will be officially 4 months not smoking.

Joka tapauksessa, ollaan 17 viikkoa lakossa oltu ja ensi sunnuntaina tulee siis virallisesti 4 kuukautta lakossa tällä kertaa täyteen.

We also have the health check results in. When I had my blood pressure taken officially, it was 79/128 which is perfectly fantastical. Then we come to the cholesterol levels and I am quite proud to report that mine was in fact better than my younger paramedic friends....at mere 3.7. SO may I cancel the last announcement about being old and knackered and revise this is 'woman in her prime, well distilled in wine' I think we took my blood pressure at a very wrong time when I was down in London and hence got me worried for no valid reason. I will imagine though that my hard training in the past 6 months has contributed to the great cholesterol levels as I eat very greasy and wine and red meat filled diet for sure and it sure has not made any difference to my weight. So if that is what it has impacted, then I am very happy about that and will somehow drag my ass to the gym yet again. I also made a new achievement at gym this past week. I managed a very high intensity workout for 60 minutes on the elliptical trainer, which exceeds any level of fitness I have ever had in my entire life, EVER. (Kippis! Cheers!)

Viime kirjoituksen jälkeen on saatu myös terveystestin tulokset. Verenpaineet oli 79/128  joka on varsin fanstastinen tulos. Ja sitten kolestroolikin oli vain ja ainoastaan 3.7 joka on vähemmän kuin ambulanssikuski kaverini oma lukema joka oli henkilö joka sai minut murehtimaan koko asiasta alunperin. Joten perun aikaisemman lausuntoni vanhuudestani ja uusi virallinen lausunto on: 'Terve kuin pukki, hyvin viinissä säilytetty' Otimme lienee verenpaineeni edellisellä Lontoon reissulla varsin väärään aikaan ja huolestutin itseni ihan suotta. Voisin kuvitella että kova salilla ravaaminen on auttanut kolestrooliarvoja koska jos rehellisiä ollaan niin syön ihan liikaa rasvaa, punaista lihaa ja juon liikaa viiniä. Mutta jos treenaaminen autaa noinkin paljon niin ehkä saan raahattua itseni salille jälleen jossain välissä tällä viikolla. Treenaamisesta puheenollen, olen aivan tajuttoman tyytyväinen itseeni, jaksoin 60 minuuttia hyvin intensiivistä treeniä elliptical trainerilla joka on enemmän kuin olen koskaan kyennyt missään liikuntalajissa koko elämäni aikana KOSKAAN. (Kippis! Cheers!)

So I am fit as a fiddle, although I am pretty fat, I say fat loosely as I am sure that under few centimeters there has got to be some serious muscle by now, but it is well hidden due to the very nature of my body's ability to take the piss due to me liking to eat scrumptious food instead of inhaling cigarettes.

Eli olen todellakin terve kuin pukki vaikka olenkin hiukan lihava, sanon lihava keveästi koska olen ehdottomasti sitä mieltä että jossakin pari senttiä tämän rasvakerroksen alla on uskomaton lihaksikas SuperBody joka on vain hyvin piilossa kehoni erinomaisen kettuilukyvin ansiosta.

I was on very low dose of Champix for the month of March and then they finished, since then I am finding that my cravings are a lot more prominent, I am eating more and I am depressed. The strange thing is, Champix is supposed to make you depressed, but it worked as anti-depressant on me. I have many exciting things happening in my life right now like starting a completely new job role on HR department this week and amazing holiday soon coming up and fantastic friends keeping me busy and yet, first time in years I just feel most nights like I wanna cry myself to sleep feeling incredibly alone. This is not really normal for me, after all I have been on my own for most of  past nearly 7 years so I should be used to it. So I blame post Champix blues. I could be wrong though. I think I need to go and see my group, I haven't been to the group meetings for the past 5 weeks I think. I really should.

Maaliskuu meni hyvin pienellä annoksella Champixia, itseasiassa sain 2 viimeisen viikon kuurin riittämään 5 viikkoa, mutta nyt kun ne ovat loppuneet kaipaan tupakkaa jälleeen vahvemmin, syön enemmän ja olen masentunut. Kumma juttu tässä on se että Champixin pitäisi aiheuttaa masennusta sivuoireena joissakin tapauksissa, mutta minulla se on toiminut täysin päinvastoin. Elämässä on meneillään paljon jännää ja ihmeellistä kuten tällä viikolla uusi aloittamani työ Human Resources osastolla ja pian tuleva Kroatian loma ja ystävät ja tapahtumat pitävät kaleneteria mukavasti elossa mutta josakin syystä viime viikot joka ilta melkeen haluan vain itkeä itseni uneen tuntien oloni yksinäiseksi. Tämä on aika epätavallista sillä olenhan ollut sinkku/yksinäinen kohta melkeen 7 vuotta joten se ei ole uutta, oma masentuminen vain on joten olen tullut siihen tulokseen että se on Champiksin and tupakanlopettamisen jälkimaininkeja. Tai sitten kevätmasennusta. Oli mitä tahansa, kai siihen keinot keksitään. Ehkä on aika mennä taas ryhmäkokoukseen, en ole käynyt 5 viikkoon.Josko ne saisi mun olon piristymään.

I should also make more of an effort to keep in touch with all the cool people in my life circles and I am first to admit that I have been hermiting for a long time. So if you know me, please do get in touch and shake me to do something with you, as chances are, I am really missing you and just can't seem to get my finger out of my bum, to sort a meeting. If you don't know me, share me with people you know and write a comment to let me know you are reading for whatever reason.

I need human contact!

Minun tulisi ottaa itseäni niskasta kiinni ja yrittää pitää enemmän yhteyttä ihmisiin ja on pakko myöntää että olen ollut erittäin laiska asian suhteen. Joten jos tunnet minut, haastan sinut ottamaan yhteyttä jotta saan itseni taas hereille ja tehään jotain yhdessä jossakin muodossa, vaikka vain kuulumisten vaihtoa jos muuta ei pysty tällä hetkellä, koska todellisuus todenäköisesti on se että minulla on ikävä sinua ja en vain ole saanut aikaiseksi olla yhteydessä. Jos et tunne minua, jaa blogini ja laita kommentti että luet, syystä tahi toisesta.

Kaipaan ihmiskontaktia!

Another day in paradise

Wow. 11 weeks and a bit has passed since the Pre-Xmas quit day. I have had  couple of mishabs but nothing worth really making a fuss over in that time so I am doing pretty good this time around.
I am not moody or stressed, in fact I am mostly far too chilled out, nothing seems to get to me very much.
I am tired a lot and drink far too much wine, have put some weight on now as my motivation for the gym seems to be on the decline and my eating is still in rather monumental state that my family would be proud of. But I kinda don't care right this moment in time. Or am rather chilled out about it? Life is too short to worry. I will sort it out when I am in the right frame of mind and that's that. If I have the energy.

Wau. 11 viikkoa on kulunut joulunalla kiprsitellyistä lakon alkuajoista. Muutama pieni sivuaskel on kuulunut niihin 11 viikkoon mutta ei mitenkään traagisen pahasti joten tällä kertaa edistys vaikuttaa hyvältä. Mielialat eivät ailahtele enkä ole stressaantunut, olen oikeastaan pääasiallisesti Rento-Reiska kokoajan. Väsymystä kyllä on, ja juon liikaa viiniä ja painokin on päässyt hiukan nousemaan koska kuntosali motiviaatio on hiukan hukassa ollut viimeiset pari viikkoa ja syöminen taas sujuu vielä sukumme geenien tuomalla lahjakkuudella varsin sutjakkaasti, ihan kuin meidät olisi luotu syömään :) Mutta  en juuri tunnu välittävän mitään asiasta juuri tällä hetkellä, Rento kun on. Josko asialle tehdään sitten joskus myöhemmin jotain. Jos jaksetaan :)

Other news is, well it is official. I am old. Why I hear you cry...what happened... I just met with my paramedic buddy who has confirmed that I have high blood pressure. Seems these days every time I go see her I come back with new ailment! Her concern caused me to find out that I had UARS which caused me to have nose surgery and mouth guard (which Poppy has recently eaten by the way) few years back. So I today promptly booked myself to see the nurse to get the blood pressure check and also colesterole level, I have NEVER had that checked in my entire life. So I am assuming that by end of this week I will have to make a total lifestyle change once I get told that if I don't I will simply die or something. Maybe I should pop in and have a Bic Mac before then? On a more serious note, I recon it is due to me being overweight due to this non-smoking malarky saga that has been ongoing for last 2 years, so one gotta think I am heading in the right direction anyhow with one bad habit down, only FEW more to go...Mjäh.

Muita uutisia,, noh se on nyt virallista, minusta on tullut vanha. Mitä, milloin....kuinka...kuulen suuren ihmettelynne... Tapasin ensihoitaja kaveriani viikonloppuna ja keskustelu siirtyi verenpaineeseen syystä taho toisesta ja hän päätti mitata paineeni ja kuulkaa se on nyt sillälailla että sehän oli aikasta korkealla. Näinä päivinä vaikuttaa siltä että aina kun käyn hänen luonaan Lontoossa kylässä niin diagnoidaan mulle uusi tauti :D
 Pari vuotta sitten hänen ansiostaan menin unispesialistille ja minulla todettiin UARS joka johti nenäleikkaukseen ja suupalikan tekemiseen (jonka Poppy muuten hiljattain söi). Joten tänään kilttinä tyttönä soitin hoitsulle ajan jotta mitataan paineet uusiksi ja otetaan ne kolestrooli arvot samalla kun mulla ei IKINÄ koskaan ole niitä mitattu. Joten olettaisin että loppuviikkoon mennessä oletettavasti tarvitsen täyden elämäntapamuutoksen tai muuten kuolen tai jotain. Täytynee käydä syömässä Big Mac ennen torstaita Mäkkärissä?  No ehkä se kuitenkin on niinkin simppeliä että paineet on nouseet painon noustessa joka on johtunut tästä kaksivuotisesta tupakanlopettamis-saagasta ja että ehkä tää on kuitenkin parempi että on yksi huono tapa josta ollaan kohta irti, eikä oo kun ihan MUUTAMA lisää jotka sitten voi hoidella seuraavaksi...Mjooh.

I leave you with few of the last weeks sunsets, happened to be out walking the dogs at the right time...
Jätän teidät tällä kertaa viimeisen viikon aikana otetuilla auringonlaskuilla, satuin olemaan oikeaan aikaan koirien kanssa lenkillä...

Life-Elämä. WTF?

It is so very strange to have empty house again. Sister moved out yesterday morning. In one way it is fab to have the house to myself, I can walk out of the shower naked and go to the toilet in the middle of the night naked too. But the thing is when you get used to having people in your house all the time, it is very hard to get used to the quiet once they go. I could now have a cigarette whenever I wanted and nobody would know. Today I choose not to though. I already had someone come and view the room tonight. He never stopped talking from the moment he walked in until he left. And then said he would not need a place for another month or two yet. He never asked me a single question about me , which is generally useful to see if you might work as housemates or about the house, deposit, what rules there are , what is minimum contract or such like. So I think it is safe to say he is not moving in and if he did he would drive me nuts within 45 minutes. I do have someone else coming to see the place and a friend who might like a room for few months so for now I am keeping my options open and getting used to the silence.

On todella outoa kun talo on taas tyhjä. Sisko muutti eilen aamulla poikaystävän kanssa Leedsiin. Tavallaan se on hienoa hetken aikaa kun saakin talon takaisin itselleen, voi mennä ja tulla suihkusta tai vessasta alasti mihin aikaan päivästä tahansa, mutta toisaalta on tosi vaikeaa tottua hiljaisuuteen sen jälkeen. Nyt minä voisin mennä tupakalle millon vaan ja kukaan ei olis vahtimassa. Mutta tänään en kuitenkaan aio. Olen yhä tupakoija joka valitsee vain yhden päivän kerrallaan olla savuton. Vieläkin tuntee luissaan että on tupakoija joka on vain ollut hetken lakossa. Tänä iltana kävi jo ensimmäinen ihminen katsomassa huonetta joka on vuokralla. Se mies ei lopettanut puhumista siitä hetkestä kun se astui sisälle niin kunnes se lähti, ja sitten ovesta mennessää tuumasi että ei hän kuitenkaan tarvisi huonetta vielä kuukauteen pariin. Hän ei kysynyt ainuttakaan kysymystä minusta jotta olisi voinut päätellä että sovittaisiko kämppiksiksi tai itse talosta, vuokrasta, sopimusajasta, takuumaksusta sun muista niin voimme päätellä että hänestä ei tule uutta vuokralaista. Jos tulisi niin se ajaisi mut hulluksi alta 45 minuutin. Onneksi on joku muu tulossa vielä tällä viikolla katsomaan huonetta ja kaveri Tanskasta miettii tulisiko kylään pariksi kuukaudeksi. Joten jatketaan harjoituksia ja nautitaan hiljaisuudesta vielä hetki.

I have been feeling a bit out of sorts because of something else too. Someone quite important and special to me is very, very ill and has been in hospital for 5 weeks and has lost the use of his legs and is battling very severe form of cancer. I only found out Sunday and it has totally thrown me off balance. I don't know what to think or feel. There is so much connected to this that there is much decisions to be made and things to do, but those can wait. For now I am spending lot of time sending healing in form of FreewaCER therapy and Reiki and love and hope that I will get a chance to see this person very soon as he is a little ways away. What has thrown me the most is this persons unbelievable words and attitude on the phone. He is quite literally brimming love and happiness and positivity after 5 major surgeries and chemotherapy. I am at loss what I should do and say and how to react. This also is now 2nd person in just few months who has touched my life recently that is suffering from cancer and I really hope I could do something. anything, to help. I also found out in the past 2 weeks that my auntie has gone through severe health scare and major surgery too. She is such a lovely person and I had the great privilege re-acquaint myself with her after so many years last summer and had such a great time in her and her husbands company and I just hope she is on the mend and that I get to see her soon again.

Mulla on ollut vähän pallo hukassa viime päivät muustakin syystä. Henkilö joka on tärkeä ja lähellä sydäntäni on hyvin, hyvin sairas ja on ollut sairaalassa viimeiset 5 viikkoa ja on mennettänyt kykynsä kävellä ja sairastaa hyvin vaikeaa selkärangansyöpää. Viiden vakavan leikkauksen jälkeen hän on menettänyt tunnon alavartalosta. Itse sain uutiset vasta Sunnuntaina ja se on jotenkin heittänyt minut ihan epätasapainoon. En tiedä mitä pitäisi ajatella tai tehdä. Asiaan liittyy myös paljon muuta ja olisi päätösten tekemisen aika ja asioiden uudelleen miettimisen aika mutta ne saavat odottaa, juuri nyt en osaa tehdä muuta kuin lähettää FreewayCER ja Reiki hoitoa hänelle ja toivon että pääsen hänen ja vaimonsa luokseen käymään mahdollisimman pian vaikka he asuvatkin hiukan matkan päässä. Uskomattomin asia tässä on se että tämä henkilö ihan ylitse suorastaan kuohuu rakkautta, onnellisuutta ja postiivisuutta samoon kuin toinen tuntemani uskomaton ihminen joka käy samaa prosessia läpi. Toivoisin vain niin kovasti että olisi jotakin jota voisn tehdä auttaakseni, mutta olen hukassa että mitä? Sain myös hiljattain uutisia että tätini on ollut hyvin sairas ja joutunut vakavaan leikkaukseen myös. Hän on niin ihana, pirteä ihminen ja minulla oli etuoikeus tavata häntä ja hänen aviomiestään viime kesänä ja tutustua uudelleen monen vuoden jälkeen ja toivon syvältä sydämmestäni että hän tervehtyy pian ja että näen hänetkin uudelleen pian.

All this is making me think more and more how silly we are as people, we focus on the negative things that happen and moan and bitch about stuff that really is just part of life, rather than taking it for the unreal, amazing ride that it truly is with all the ups and downs in its stride. We forget to be thankful, we focus more in being resentful, jealous, depressed, tired, annoyed, angry and ungrateful. And by doing that we invite even more of those things into our lives by truckloads. I have tried so very hard to stay positive about things but when you are quitting smoking, things get to you somewhat and it has been one battle after another, sometimes number of times per hour just to try and stay at least neutral in your own mind of not quite reaching sunshine, instead of negative. But considering all the things that are going on, have been going on and the things that are, have and will be going wrong, I will try and stay happy. Life is damn short. So let's appreciate and live it. Positively!

Kaikki tämä on saanut minut ajattelemaan yhä enemmän sitä että kuinka typeriä me ihmiset joskus olemme, keskitymme negatiivisiin tapahtumiin ja valitamme ja päivittelemme niitä päivät pitkät vaikka ne negatiiviset ovat vain osa elämää kuten ne positiivisetkin asiat ja osa kokonaisuutta joka on elämän uskomaton vuoristorata. Unohdamme olla kiitollisia, keskitymme enemmän olemaan onnettomia, kiittämättömiä, mustasukkaisia, kateellisia, väsyneitä, tympääntyneitä, masentuneita, vihaisia, vittuuntuneita ja loukkaantuneita. Ja näin tekemällä tilaamme elämäämme vain lisää samoja asioita rekkakaupalla. Omalla kohdallani olen yrittänyt kaikkeni pysyäkseni positiivisena, mutta tupakkalakossa se ei aina ole helppoa ja jos ei onnistu olla positiivinen niin jopa neutraali on parempi kuin negatiivinen, mutta sekin haasteellista joskus kun asiat muka ottavat päälle ihan tosissaan. Mutta kaikesta meneillään olevasta , tulevasta, meneistä, vaikeista asioista ja ongelmista huolimatta yritän parhaani pitää lipun korkealla. Elämä on hemmetin lyhyt. Arvostakaamme ja eläkäämme siis sitä.

Thats all for today folks!

Eipä muuta tällä kertaa!

Yours truly, madly, positively, neutrally...

deeply.

The Miia

PS. More on the Champix dreams next time!

Two Lingual -Kahdella kielellä

Friend of mine started to write her Finnish blog in English also, so I thought I would do the same just other way round!

Kaverini päätti jatkaa bloginsa kirjoittamista kahdella kielellä, niinpä päätin ottaa siitä mallia ja kokeilla samaa.

Smokefree: 7 weeks 4 days 21 hours (not that I am counting)
Lakossa: 7 viikkoa 4 päivää 21 tuntia (ei sillä että laskisin)

That is the score to date, I can not believe I am closing in on 2 month mark again! Fantastic. I still get the occasional craving, sometimes really strongly even but not too brutal and not that often, less than once a day now. And this time I have not had any added nicotine from any form. Maybe, just maybe this time I can stick this out.

Siinäpä tämän hetken saldo, uskomatonta että alkaa taas kahden kuukauden etappi häämöttää edessä. Mahtavaa. Vieläkin ajoittain tekee mieli tupakkaa, joskus todella vahvasti vaikka ei aivan yhtä raivokkaasti kun alussa, mutta nyt se vain tapahtuu huomattavasti harvemmin, kerran päivässä parissa. Ja tällä kertaa en ole huijannut millään nikotiini purkalla tai sähkötupakalla niinkuin viimeksi. Ehkä, josko, mahdollisesti tällä kertaa tässä onnistusikin.

Other than that I am still cursed with a leaking house, yesterday it was one of the boiler pipes as the boiler seems to be broken too, over pressurising the system and knocking itself off. After leaking bathroom, diswasher pipe and washing machine I am sick to death of it all. So far all this has resulted in totally new flooring, kitchen has just been plastered and next is the painting operation, that is when I have money for it as I am sure the boilerman will give me a nice bill tomorrow when he completes his repair. Needless to say I had to buy new washing machine too. All this has happened  after I quit smoking. Hence it makes me a superstar quit person since it has been lot of crap to deal with in short period of time. Someone else would have been licking an ashtray by now.

Muita uutisia on viimeisimpinä jälleen uusi vesivuoto tässä mun linnassa, eilen alkoi yksi boilerin liitoksista vuotaa vettä ja myös boileri tietysti on rikki eikä halua pitää meitä lämpinä vaan vetää ylipaineelle ja jatkuvasti pois päältä, ja ylipaine sitten tuotti tuon uusimman vuodonkin.. Tämä tietenkin ensin astianpesukoneen putken vuodon jälkeen, suihkun vuodon jälkeen, normi pesukoneen vuodon jälkeen. Kaikista näistä vuodoista johtuen joutui koko alakerran lattian laittaa uusiksi, kun nyt ensin puhaltmet posotti kuukauden, seinät on keittiössä juuri plasteroitu ja seuraavaksi saa alkaa maalaamis operaation, jos siis on rahaa jäljellä kun boileri mies huomenna esittää laskunsa joka pitää tietenkin maksaa samana päivänä. Niin ja uusi pesukone piti tietysti ostaa kans Aika paljon stressiä on viimeiseen 7 viikkoon sopinut joten mun täytyy olla superstar tupakkalakkolainen, heikot olis ollut jo nuolemassa tuhkakuppia moneen kertaan.

We are having some real strange weather, hail beating the windows with high winds and thunder at the moment, been watching some spectacular lightning this evening, I always thought you only get lightning in hot weather and I think it is round -1c out there right now and they predict 15cm snow, bring it on I say! I have plenty of woolly socks, fleeces and 2 dogs to use as waterbottles even if the boiler is having a stress burnout.

Täällä on aika kummallinen ilma tällä hetkellä, rakeita hakkaa ikkunaan sivuttain myrskytuulessa ja salamoi ja ukkonen paukkuu. Jostain syystä mä aina kuvittelin että ukkosta tulee vain lämpimällä ilmalla mutta tuolla on pakkasen puolella. Lunta lupaa yön aikana taas 15cm, antaa tulla vaan! Onhan täällä villasukkia ja fleecejä päälle ja kaks koiraa lämminvesipulloiksi viereen vaikka boilerilla onkin joku stressi burnout.

On the excersise front I was so damn pleased with myself yesterday at the gym. I started doing my usual 20 minute Super 8 interval training on the cross trainer and after 20 minutes I wondered if I should just carry on to 30 minutes. Then I hit that and wondered if I could keep going up to 40 minutes. I got there and still felt I had bit more energy so wondered if I could actually make an hour. I could not as I ran out of steam at 50 minutes but that is so amazing. When I went to gym in September I could only do 5 minutes on the crosstrainer as it was just too hard for me, on level 0 and then had to move on to do little bit of bike instead as it was easier. Now I did that 50 minutes with level 8-10 all the way through with pulse around 150. My god I felt amazing! Like I had climbed Mount Everest in record time. So I must have been doing something right. Although I still weight precisely the same as I did in September or any month after that.

Treenaamisen suhteen olin eilen niin uskomattoman tyytväinen itseeni että en meinannu nahoissani pysyä. aloitin tekemään normaalia 20 minnuutin Super 8 intervalli treeniä ja sitten tuumasin että josko sitä kokeilis mennä 30 minuuttia. Se meni ja sitten mietin että jaksaiskohan sitä 40 minuuttia, ja jaksoi. Sitten mietin että voiskohan sitä oikeasti jaksaa tunnin. en ihan kyenny siihen, 50 minuutin kohdalla piti lopettaa mutta se oli silti ihan uskomaton saavutus meikäläiselle. Syyskuussa kun aloitin salin eka kertaa taas aikoihin niin jaksoin 5 minuuttia tuossa masiinassa nolla tasolla, sen jälkeen piti vaihtaa pyörään joka oli helpompi ja nyt tein tuon 50 minuuttia tasolla 8-10 pulssi noin 140-160 koko ajan. Hyvät hyssykät kun oli voittajafiilis! Ihan kuin olisi kiivennyt Mount Everestille huippu ajassa. eli ei se viime kuukausien hikoilu ole mennyt ihan hukkaan, vaikka painankin just ja tasan saman verran kun syyskuussa tai lakon ensimmäisenä päivänä.

Man, days just go too fast, time for bed. Keep it real folks. I'll be back!

Oho, päivä taas pulkassa, aika mennä nukkumaan. Olkaahan ihmisiksi ja palataan asiaan!

Let it snow!

I have the first snowday at home for years, it snowed about 20cm last night but being a trooper out I went and although it took me half hour to get off my road, I managed to get going, just to be called by my boss to say not to bother as most people weren't going to get in. So I turned around, went back to bed for couple of hours and then decided to update the blog whilst sipping my 3rd cup of coffee.

I love snowdays! I think I will be heading out with the dogs soon to go and play a bit in it! It is funny that even though I am from Finland and have seen plenty of snow in my life, it still cheers me up seeing loads of the white stuff.  It would be unheard of in Finland not to get to work due to it of course, but I am in England and here it just brings things to a halt. Today since I am not stuck in traffic in it, I really don't mind!

It was five weeks since I quit smoking now. I still struggle, like this morning could really have done with a cig. It tends to be once or twice a day now that it crosses my mind. I am now wondering if that will be the case for the rest of my life. I sure hope not.

Other than that there is not much interesting going on, life seems to roll from one day to another, I am loving having my sister around but she will soon be moving out and I will be seeing much less of her,but at least she will be in the same country which is a bonus.  I will be looking for yet another lodger.

I am thinking about deleting all my online dating details, I am fed up with it all so that might be the right direction to go, forget about finding anyone. If it is meant to happen, I am sure it will in some other way.

It is now evening...I still want a cigarette. But I am not going to have one today.

Hope you all have a great week!

Ta Taa!

Quit version 4.28- Yes I am still here and doing it!

Well well well. Sorry my dearest, I have been somewhat occupied, what with life and stuff and not having anything intelligent nor insulting or entertaining to say.


I am still alive. Today is day Day 28 of The serious quit attempt version 4.0.
My god, I had to count that...like in calendar as I had no idea where I am. Just feels like I have been quitting for ever and ever and I am thoroughly fed up with it all.

Just want rid of the damn thing now for good.

So last post was Day 5 and since then...well we had Xmas and there was minor hick-up then when I had a cigarette or two, unbeknown to anyone or not...few people know, most don't but probably figured it out from the smell and I just think they don't know. Anyhow, since then not a puff. I have not had any nicorette gums either. I have used the e-cig only few times. mostly in the first 2 weeks but last 2 weeks we have gone with one fill-up of the tank which is equalent to couple fo fags...so not much. None today at all. I want to be rid of nicotine in my system this time before the Champix runs out. Since Day 4.05 I have been dumped, rather unceremoniously too in the fashion of...ooh, I won't answer my phone or messages and she will figure it out stylee and  also since then have had a couple fo dates with someone new and I think I managed to screw that up too. Takes special talent, I'd say!

Is it easier quitting 4th time around? In some ways yes...you just grind your teeth and get on with it, afterall youre kinda used to wanting something all the time now. I don't have the rage in me I had the first time around all the time, this time it is just occasional. Some ways  No..I miss cigarettes, I wonder all the time if I have upset, irritated or driven away people I care about. I brood and drink far too much and eat of course. Dating wise I am actually starting to wonder if the fact that I can't get a bloke in a serious relationship sense is down to the fact that I am down right miserable nicotine starved bitch and have been for last 2 years and I either drive them away or is it that I am just old, fat and boring woman that bores them within few dates. Or I am so fussy that I want a prince on a  stick with gold spoon in his pretty mouth and that is why I turn all the good guys away and just end up dating total asswipes.
I recon in reality...it is all of the above.

More likely it is because I am a bitch spinster from hell even when I smoke, afterall I did manage to smoke and be single for 4 years prior the first quit attempt.


Is it easier...no again, I am sick and tired of having the post quit sweats. I have spoken about this before. I am hot and sweaty all the time and it is really so annoying that I have officially decided I will not be joining menopause at all. What with the hot flushes and shit...after all this quitting smoking, that will make me start again!

It was -2c outside this morning at 7am and I was in skirt and pantyhose walking the dogs, with the jacket open and still feeling too warm! Honestly that is not normal!!

Maybe I have got menopause already?

Nobody in the world, like ever, said that they were sweating a lot after they quit. Or that they were feeling very warm, which is a nice a charming way of saying it , rather than me talking about stinking sweat. Am I alone here? Someone please tell me this is just a passing phase and that this is in fact something to do with quitting smoking. I don't wanna be menopausal yet. I am not ready...it would confirm spinsterhood!

New things to report this quit attempt around is that I am smoking, in my dreams. I have now had number of dreams where I wake up feeling awfull that I failed again cause I have had a cigarette in my dream. That never happened before. I am kind of hoping that it might be because my unconscious mind is now finally dealing with this quitting business like I might mean it for real. They say it takes unconscious mind 3 times of repeating something until it believes it to be true. Maybe in case of quitting smoking it was four. This time it might just be that all levels of my being are working on this final attempt.

I also had the strangest moment one evening, suddenly my mouth filled in matter of nanosecond with a smoke flavour and breath. I can not quite explain it, it was as if the ghost of smoking was leaving the body and wanted to give that last caress in it's wake. Totally strange occurence. And I am very melodramatic and far too into metaphysical but that is me, take it or leave it. It was weird whatever was going on.
And it tasted so real as if I had just gone outside and had a cigarette.

Other than that, new job and I have to learn everything from scratch, something I have never done before and it has been quite challenging but also very interesting for the past few weeks. Time will tell how I get on, I am hoping well.

Gym, well I am training my little ass off doing Super 8 interval training combined with whole body weights after and I am giving my damn everything to it. I am not loosing any weight but I am not gaining any right now either.

How long I can keep this up with no reward is a mystery to me, one would like to see some improvement to one way or another, but so far all I can say is that I feel every muscle in my body as I swagger around but it is still to me the same body with the same flab and wobbly bits. Who knows why I am doing this and what will come of it if anything but I am sure leaving lot of aggression at the pure gym after each visit, and I come out feeling better and happy.

So there you go my loveliest readers, extra long post for you....took me all evening to bleed all this out. Might be a while before the next one so take care and do say hello x Nitey Night!

Day 5 -Rollercoaster Life

I am alive, and have not had a cigarette for five days. That's about as much as I can say really.

I keep having really annoying things happen but that has not broken me yet. Like breaking the screen on my mobile on Friday and then finding out it would cost £150 to repair as this particular model, you can't just change the glass, but the whole 3 levels of LCD and amoled and glass. Or like today when I found out that my first paycheck from my new job will be 6 weeks from now and somehow I need to celebrate Xmas with half months wage that won't even pay all the bills for this month, never mind Xmas food or fun. Or things like eating some food or buying fuel to get to work in the month of January.Or the washing machine leaking from somewhere inside and really should be replaced before I get the new floor fitted this week, which of course is impossibility if you refer back to the above. Or me being a numpty and cutting a toenail too short and bleeding all over a cream rug.

However, all is not doom and gloom. Yesterday we had a lovely walk at Ogden water with my sister and her boyfriend and the dogs, followed by a very nice pub meal in a true gem of a place that we just discovered. And my meal was paid for (Thank you!!) Saturday was pretty good day too, got my laminate bought for the floor, with the price of the kitchen for both rooms, living room and kitchen. Have a chap coming to get started with it Wednesday, which means I will have a floor before our visitors from Finland arrive on Friday. I also now have a leak free bathroom, thanks to my sisters boyfriends days of tinkering with it and doing it like it should have been done in the first place. (Thank you!!!)

I also decided to give whole bunch of grief to my insurance company who in their infinite wisdom decided that they would delay things for me (water damage, no floor issue for those who don't know) and ask for yet another quote and thus delay the new floor until new year and on the phone I went. Somehow, even though nicotine deprived, I did not shout or scream or demand to speak to the manager but I gave little old Richard on the end of the phone run for his money and pointed out very clearly their errors and after him going away for few minutes to think about me, my arguments and reasoning's, he met me half way and agreed a sum majority of the repair and arranged to raise a cheque for it. Hence I was able to get things organised to ensure they get done for Xmas. This happened on day 2 and if this had been the first or second attempt to quit smoking and the same situation came along, I would have probably first screamed red faced and then thrown my phone at the wall or window, and promptly walked to the shop and bought some cigs. So not bad going really for a Day 2.

I started my new job today. Good news is that nobody in my new team smokes. I know as I have superhuman sense of smell again for the next few weeks. In fact I recon for a big place like it is, I only smelled smoke on 1 person today which is pretty damn impressive. Of course there is more than that but at least I won't be smelling the temptation very often. I have read every single thing about every procedure and policy and rule and thing that they ever came up with, I have also studied fire safety, manual handling and economical working positions today and taken a test on all three and passed of course. (can't help being awesome...pmsl) They expected me to take day and a half doing this, so when I popped in and announced that I had done it all, read it all, some jaws dropped. One reads very fast when when one likes reading on ones free time.  Now we are back to the downfalls of superhuman sense of smell, like the bad breaths, sweat and farts. I smell all of them and I am convinced that I stink, today although I had sprayed myself with half bottle of deodorant and other half bottle of perfume, I am sure everyone within 5 metre radius could smell my sweat. Sweat of the stress of a new job and environment and the day five of 4000 chemicals pouring out of my pores trying to escape my body that is desperately trying to clean itself up yet again.

Anyhow this has been one really stupid crazy month in every single way. Like a roller coaster ride that you don't know if you liked or not, but it sure took up a whole lot of your adrenaline.

They call it life.


There is a saying....Life is like a roller coaster, it has it's ups and downs but it is up to you if you scream or enjoy the ride.

I am really, really, really trying to enjoy the ride.

Right now I could murder for a cigarette, but in word of Michael from the smokers group...I am a smoker, but I choose not to have one today.

I have made many bad choices in my life, this time, for once I am trying to make the right choice one last time.

Have a great week ya all that happen to be reading x