I have just been to the non-smokers and smokers thinking about becoming non-smokers group hug meeting at the Library, from this point on will shall call it the SAS meeting, why??? because it sounds SO much cooler, and because I am damned if I will write all THAT everytime and it kinda stands for Smokers Anononymous Support, which I am sure makes sense on a grand scale! In my head anyway.
All week I have been dreading this coming Sunday, which is going to be THE DAY when I quit. New month, new life. I have to say, in the past I have not been so keen on this group thing, but there is something about it when you listen to all these people, some are just about to quit like me, some have quit 4 days ago, some 4 weeks ago, some 10 weeks ago. They all tell you positive stuff and also things they strguggle with. And rather than feeling apprehensive I am feeling more motivated after tonights meeting, after listening to all those stories. And I recall the fantastic feeling when you had been 4 weeks without, the worst was over and you felt like a true Champion. I want to feel that again. And the feeling after 8 weeks. Top of the world. Therein lies a pitfall though, this is when you start to think that on one weak moment you can have one cigarette as you are so strong, nope, no good.
The cravings will come, they will come weeks, months, years later in the strangest of circustances and places. So from some kind of strange place inside my very soul I have to find that WILL to say NO, everytime.
Now I know my pitfalls, I know if I have one cigarette, I will have another and soon I will be back to the old habits again. So I have to be really hard on myself. I know that it gets easier after the first 7 days, I just need to get thru that hell somehow first and focus on that just now and then things will get little easier. And then I have to create this gi-normous all powerful NO that I will keep telling myself when those random cravings come.
I have had quite a bad chest infection for few weeks and every cigarette physically hurts right now and I need to remember that too. And I need to remember that I have had 4 colds this year alone and 4 sets of anibiotics, that is some kind of ridiculous and I am not going to get anibiotics this time, I will suffer thru and quit this bad habit and hope that 2014 I could have a year when I don't get any chest infections.
There was a man in the meeting who has smoked for 57 years. He is quitting next week too. As a joke he said 'because I am not ready to let my kids to cash in on that life insurance yet' I was listening to the things he said and I think he will struggle with this first attempt, but I would very much like to see him succeed, it would give me some real bounce too. Mind you as he seemed quite apprehensive and little negative but then another told his story, he had been without cigratettes for 9 weeks and he had smoked 50 years and he was happy, bouncy, positive and told us both we can do it. Good going Mick!
Work was little bit interesting today too, if all this happens on a day next week, I don't know how I might react. Had a ding dong with a lazy ass co-worker who could not be bothered to do something and decided that I was the best target to fob it off on, when he told me he was busy I told him I was very busy with breakdowns too but since he can't be arsed I will find some time to do it (in very sarcastic and slightly raised voice I might add) This resulted in him swearing and effin and blinding and going back to his desk where I am guessing fu**ing bitch and few other choice words escaped him under his breath as few other people heard him, I missed most of it, as I was actually genuienly busy and answered the phone for umpteenth time with a cheerfull voice as you do.
It did piss me off somewhat but it didn't really shake me majorly, I was too effin busy to let it. It took me 40 minutes to do what he could not bother to do instead of getting on with urgent breakdowns and invoicing which would have be far more important considering it is nearly end of the month. But no. Maybe tomorrow. If he pulls a trick like that next week when I am struggling with my cravings and stress levels at all time high, I will just punch his lights out. I know I will. SO hope he is smart enough to keep his mouth shut and stay well away from me.
Todays nicknames didn't end there, I am apparently also the Ice Maiden and big lesbian, this though came along as a joke from a co-worker who can get away with it and quite highly amused me.I was laughing with tears in my eyes as I walked away from work.
Just for the record however, I am very straight and the person who called me lesbian is very gay :)
I suppose considering that I have been single througout the 4 years with the company, I bet there are few people wondering if I really do have a lesbian harem at home, or that maybe I have had the snip like my dogs, or, OMG, maybe I am one of those gender challenged people who feel they were born in a wrong body.
Who knows. I know so much that people at our place talk a lot behind everyones back and some things are true, some opinions and some very grand speculations. And most do watch the embarassing bodies (me included)!!!
All I can say in that matter is that 6 years single, somewhere in the region of 25-30 first dates, one stalker and 3 failed attempts at a short lived relationship have not turned me into a lesbian. Yet.
Just few other pointless factoids to finish this evenings bran vomit:
Cigarettes smoked today 14
Dates 0
Wine consumed 1 bottle (this week thats all, however I do anticipate this number to increase rather dramatically on the next 2 weeks,((hence recording it)) I learnt last time that one needs to replace the cravings with either food or alcohol and considering my weight at this current moment alcohol would seem the more sensible option)
Lesbian sex 0 (just for the record)
Excersise: nope, nothing, just 2 short walks with dogs.
Music of the day: 3 Doors down Album: The better life 2007
Do tell me if there are other useless facts you would like to know about my life in my factoid file, I will be doing one now in the end of every post.
I will also be keeping food & excersise diary from Sunday, just so I can keep tabs on things, like weight gain that is inevitable unless I am at least partly sensible and start to do some excersise to collide with the non-smoking thing. That will link to my facebook, it's fitness something or rather so will keep that separate from here, unless you insist?
So once again, in the typical Miia fashion, I decide to revamp my entire life.
And you get to listen to the whine and moan when I fail, I am likely to fail at least one, maybe two, but I am damned if I fail at all three.
Besides if you don't have goals, where the hell are you headed???
Once I have done this shit out of the way, I will look into revamping rest of my life, but that is another story all together.
Thank for listening my little munchkins, have a great evening, I am gonna have a fag since I still can. Do say hello and do, oh please do comment or click that box right at the bottom, that says stupid, boring, barking mad etc. Pretty Please :D
(No way, I did spell check...there is no red underlined words, either I am AWSOME (came out in very high octave voice) or this spell check ain't very good!!!)
