Sunshine trallalallalaaaaaa!

Woke up this morning to a dream abut having a cigarette :) And really really wanted one. I have been awake alreadyfor 4 hours or so and not had one, so I guess that's good. Funny how yesterday it was not even anything I thought about and today it is all I think about.

However, after the 5 hour afternoon nap and 10 hour sleep last night, wow man I am awake and full of beans! This is what normal people probably feel like most of the time when they wake up in the morning. So after all that moaning last night, I went for shower, walked the dog, did weekly shopping and cleaned downstairs and sorted some laundry. And it is not even 2pm. Wow. Sun is shining gloriously so had leisurely cup of coffee on the back yard and next will go for a loooong walk on the hills. God knows what else I get done today at this rate, world peace and end to poverty? Oh yeah and end to go compare adverts could be great too ;)

So although I keep wanting a cigarette, I will attempt not to have one and stay active instead and give inhaler some action too, it was feeling all neglected yesterday. Oh and Minna the second inhaler mystery has been solved, it has materialised under my mums bed of all places....???? Go figure.

That just goes to show that I am a master of losing things.Currently on the wanted items list is the leather cover for my phone, last seen on bedside table 5 weeks ago and my insanity, last seen wandering around the Sainsbury's carpark when an old lady nearly crashed into me after which I can only imagine is her total unawareness of helping aids such as mirrors.

Anyhow as you can see or more like hear or even read, I am back to my happy self again, all it took was some serious sleep! But I still want a cig.

Exhausted

I didn't think I would really ever be saying this, but I didn't think about cigarettes at all today until about 7pm.

All day! Wow!! (quite surreal to realise that too)

As to otherwise the World of Miia, I was up quite late last night and for first time in ages only got 5 hours sleep before work. I nearly could not cope, I was finding it hard to operate and even string a decent sentence together. I have no one but myself to blame of course. But I wish and hope that after my upcoming surgery and the oral appliance therapy design of the appliance for me will work. Would be nice just every now and then to be able to sleep for 5 hours and feel just a tad tired like normal people. So I gets home from work at half past midday and I go directly to bed and sleep for 5 hours. Ah well, that's Saturday over and done with then! (shit really isn't it!) And guess what...I still feel exhausted! I was supposed to do a bit of cleaning and weekly food shopping and laundry...all this stuff that one catches up at a weekend. *Sigh*

I have decided that rather than catching up with it tomorrow and spending my entire Sunday doing all that boring stuff, I am not going to! I am going out for a long walk on the hills with the dog and have a relaxing day and leave all that crap undone and have take-away and worry about it some other bloody day, weekend or whatever.

Just totally can't be arsed weekend. Blokes get to have them all the time. Now I am having one! Tired of being organised and responsible (ish).

Now I am reading back and wondering what on earth was the point of this post. Absolutely pointless. Might as well shut up.I am going back to bed.

zzzzzzzzzz.....

Day 9 Final Edition

It has been a while since last blog post. I felt I was just moaning about same old shit every time so thought I would give it a break. Since the last post I failed again on the eve of the 3rd day. And then FINALLY decided that enough is enough, either I do this or forget it and stay a smoker. So I firmly decided to give it one last attempt, for good.



It is now Day 10 without ANY cigarettes. So this time at least I got past that 3 day merry-go-round. Is it easy? Is it hell. Everyday at one point or another I could murder for one. But rather than feeling disgustingly disappointed in myself which I did with the 3 day merry-go-round, I am now feeling rather pleased with myself.

There are times when this seems harder than others. This week those times have been for example Tuesday morning. My alarm is supposed to ring at 6am. Of course for this to happen ideally I would really need to set the alarm up. Sensible? I do that 5 times a week every week. Not Monday night though. I wake up to glorious sunshine at 8:15 precisely. In my sleepy brain I wonder why it is so sunny when I wake up at darkness normally, I sigh and think…ooh, must be Sunday. Then the realisation hits and for the next 10 minutes we have primary brain function screaming repeatedly ‘shitfuckshitfuckshitfuck’ as I dash around the house trying to get ready, hitting my toe into the bedpost, no time for coffee, just enough time to run the dog for a quick morning dump and then off to work. There are not many things that I hate as much as waking up late. So the day was in tatters even before it began.


As I am driving to work I notice my shirt is inside out, now this on the other hand is very positive, at least I notice it! Normally I wouldn’t until someone hours later would point it out, grinning. So I sneak into toilet as I arrive just to change it the right way around and try and slide to my desk unnoticed. Whish I am sure did not go unnoticed at all! At this point, I would very much liked to have had a cigarette. Like really, really liked it. However I am proud of the fact that I got to work for exactly 9am and the car journey alone takes 25 minutes and I am proud for not having had that cigarette.


On a more positive note I went to the smokers AA meeting again last night and this time there was quite a large group of people, and over half of them were finding it hard. It was about the bloody time! I thought that everybody were world class lying gits. Finally some honesty!!


In fact the lady sat next to me was sweating, shaking and totally unable to keep any part of her body still for the entire hour that we were there. The little demon inside me was dancing a victory dance and practicing it’s very best evil laughter. (Just in time for Halloween and all!)


It was day 9 yesterday and it was probably hardest day of them all this time for me so it was rather pleasurable to listen to all these people whining. It had been insane day at work where every single job went horribly wrong and nothing was working and I seem to recall I swore a lot, at some point I was getting raised eyebrows from the Supervisor and my colleagues for the profanities I was spewing out. Normally I am really not that bad at all. Somehow I think I managed not to swear at any customers, which is a bonus…I get to keep my job. I think. For now.



This week also the dreams have come back. Thanks to Champix I am having some weird and wonderful dreams, all night, every night. They are in fact so crazy I would need to write an entire separate blog of them, totally incognito as otherwise there is a small chance I would be sent to a soft padded cell in a local establishment for the mentally impaired. I am loving it though, wish this movie theatre could go on forever. It is amazing what crazy world one’s unconscious mind can be! Then again, my sleep pattern is totally messed up as it is since I get hardly no deep sleep at all as the sleep study found, which in theory should mean I don’t get much REM sleep either which is the dreaming sleep and which normally occurs after the deep sleep ie. delta sleep period NREM3 and 4. Hmm…work that out then Sigmund Freud! I must be a freak!


On that note, I think it is time to let the weekend commence. For me it is a working one, but never mind. At least I might get a sleep in on Sunday. Besides me being me, I have shitloads stuff to be getting on with with the little freetime I have. Might as well use it productively! Have a good un everybody and do drop me a line if you're bored :) 

Healings and smokings

I have just had a very painful half hour, my aunties husband just manipulated my sciatica nerve which was starting to seize up. I have used every single finnish swear world in my vocabulary during that half hour. ( for those who want to lear some, it went something like this: voi perkeleen helevetin perse saatana ko ottaa kipiää jumalauta) Cheezuz it was pain in 1st degree. Now I am shell shocked and almost scared to move.

But I know that in about another 20 minutes after this, I will be skipping around like a 9 year old LOL painfree. So perfect moment for my latest confessions :)

Seems I am coping on average 3 days without a smoke and then I stumble. This time I went and bought a packet. Well of course I had to smoke the entire pack in a course of 2 days. (Obviously!) So would have been far bettert to bum just the one from someone.

And then here I go again (Whitesnake moment) so I have been smoke free yesterday and today.

This is of course ridiculous and I am just making this harder for myself, it is like starting all over again and again and again. Like a really bad fairground ride that makes you slightly ill. Imagine having to do it over and over again. Say rollercoaster. Yikes.

Strangely yesterday and today I have had no problem being without smokes, so I don't know...is that progress?

My holiday is coming to a close soon, I am going to have dinner and go to sauna tonight with my mum, and tomorrow I will go and see my granny and then fly back down south to my sisters. we will then inspect the nightlife in Myyrmäki in Polso fashion and then it is back to rainy UK late Sunday night.

Holidays always go too quickly! But it has been nice and I am chilled out to the bone :)

I think will have to watch 'Arn' second movie, watched the first one last night and it was fab, this is a Swedish movie, full of legends and nights templar type of things, just my cup of tea. SO I think dinner, sauna, then back to Aunties and movie night :) 

So that's all folks, I am now going to attept to stand up, hopefully without sciatica pains :)

Hope ya all have a fantastic weekend!! 

FreewayCER and willpower

Two days of intensive training and teaching is now completed, as per usual, I feel tired but energised which sounds weird but it is such a buzz to get the reactions I get from people when they cure problems that may have bothered them for years and to which nothing has worked at all. We always start with the sceptism; if this really is as good as it has been said it is, it would be incredible. And by the end of the 2 days, I have a group of people who are amazed, blabergasted and in complete awe of the profound healing and effects that have taken place. They leave with the total inspiration to go and help and try this on everything and everyone. Heal the pains, emotional or physical. Truly 'Heal the world' feelings all around.

The most profound case thsi weekend was a lady who had had serious arm pain for 20 years, she has seen every specialist, she has tried every tablet, cream and physio the doctors have been able to give her, she has tried number of alternative therapies and she was facing a very stark reality that she may have to retire from work as the pain was causing so much problems in her life that if was making her work increasingly difficult. 

Her pain was taken away COMPLETELY in 25 minutes, even the painkillers have never been able to mask the pain completely, ever.

Imgine her reaction? To have such a problem in her life removed? There is nothing that compares to something like that. When she left she said to me 'Thank you for changing the rest of my life, and my entire family's future'  Those kind of comments are the reason why I teach FreewayCER Meridian Energy Therapy. It quite literally can change peoples lives.

But back to the topic of the blog, smoking. I had a struggle on Friday when I was flying to Finland and ended up bumming a ciragette. There is something about airports and flying that seemed to have that trigger that was impossible to say no to. I was proud of myself tho for the fact that I did not buy 10 cigs, I considered it, stood outside the shop and then though if I need one, I should have to go through the shame of bumming it from a complete stranger. So I did, so ended up chatting away to this bloke outside that I bummed it from and as per usual airport talk, we ask where one is going to. Turns out same flight, same destination. So he was finnish. We promptly changed the lanuguage to finnish and he said, why didn't you just ask me in finnish. As if I have built in recognition software that instantly alerts me to a finnish person! LOL. On thinking about it, maybe this finnish person looked least scary and intimidating to go and ask for a cigarette from.

So after this fall from my pedastal, I have not had any cigs yesterday or today.

I have wanted one quite desperately a number of times, although I find when I am teaching and using the various FreewayCER techniques, I don't even remember smoking. Still seems the after eating a meal is most difficult time.

So overall, still fighting, one cigarette at a time.

Right now I am sat in a very comfortable chair at my sisters new pad, there is lots of organising going on and it has been rather amusing to watch 3 people making some pictures out of board and flowery fabric. We have 2 women; laboratory technician and occupational therapist and then we have a male who is structual engineer. And everyone knows the best. However, after giving the engineer whole load of grief, the ladies made the decions, but he had to do all the work.  I can be proud of us ladies again;  after giving him all the grief and winding him up, when he made it all work, they were full of praise for him, thus securing future helping hand from him. Damn we women are clever at times :D 

On this note it is time to go for a meal at Rio Grande tex mex restaurant with my brother, since I can't smoke, at least I am eating very well :) 

And I really ythink if I had had an ashtray like this, it would have been a good thing :D

Bridget Jones Stylee

Cigarettes consumed: 0 (yeah!!)

Wine consumed: 2 glasses (so far)

Number of dates with single eligeble bachelors: 0

Naughty things eaten: Bic Mac and Greggs bacon and sausage sarnie

World recods in packing the suitcase: 1 ( 33 minutes which included emptying the diswasher and watering the plants)

Ah, yes for some reason Bridget came to mind earlier and you know me...I have to (it appears) share an awful lot of what comes to mind with you dear blog readers.

Anyhow, I may be a little busy to write over the next few days, will be training some fantastic new FreewayCER Meridrian Therapy Therapists all weekend in Kerava, still working in the morning tomorrow and then flying over in the afternoon.

Monday I will be conducting Mission Impossible in Myyrmäki and then Tuesday I am flying to Kokkola. But need not to worry, I will find a laptop somewhere just to tell you that I am either failing or succeeding in this non smoking malarky. I intend to be succeeding.

Tonight was a refreshing change at non-smoking group. Rather than everyone saying it is a piece of cake, this time there was few people who were finding it really hard, and they were on their quit attempt numbers over 20. My internal demon was VERY satisfied!

I can safely say one thing, if I fail now, I might as well be smoker for a long time again, there is no way I am doing all this shit again (funny I recall saying that last time) it is just incredibly difficult to go through the withdraw symptoms and the willpower required in daily basis. The difficulty could in fact be compared to a size 18 lady trying to get into size 4 jeans, or even size 12! impossiböe, I know! LOL

Was just watching Metallica 'Turn the page' video, and my life could be whole lot worse. You can watch it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2QgpqWU1xM

So really I should not be bitching and moaning at all, just seems to I have so much fun doing it! And for some unknown reason, people seem to be reading it. Don't know why? (ha, me plastering it all over facebook has nothing to do with it hehe)

Anyhow, now my nails are done, I am packed, wine consumed is now 3 glasses.

I think it is time for bed and tomorrow...leaving on a jetplane, don't know when I'll be back again....

Nite nite, I will go and give my pillow some head and my duvet some ass!