Day 9 Final Edition

It has been a while since last blog post. I felt I was just moaning about same old shit every time so thought I would give it a break. Since the last post I failed again on the eve of the 3rd day. And then FINALLY decided that enough is enough, either I do this or forget it and stay a smoker. So I firmly decided to give it one last attempt, for good.



It is now Day 10 without ANY cigarettes. So this time at least I got past that 3 day merry-go-round. Is it easy? Is it hell. Everyday at one point or another I could murder for one. But rather than feeling disgustingly disappointed in myself which I did with the 3 day merry-go-round, I am now feeling rather pleased with myself.

There are times when this seems harder than others. This week those times have been for example Tuesday morning. My alarm is supposed to ring at 6am. Of course for this to happen ideally I would really need to set the alarm up. Sensible? I do that 5 times a week every week. Not Monday night though. I wake up to glorious sunshine at 8:15 precisely. In my sleepy brain I wonder why it is so sunny when I wake up at darkness normally, I sigh and think…ooh, must be Sunday. Then the realisation hits and for the next 10 minutes we have primary brain function screaming repeatedly ‘shitfuckshitfuckshitfuck’ as I dash around the house trying to get ready, hitting my toe into the bedpost, no time for coffee, just enough time to run the dog for a quick morning dump and then off to work. There are not many things that I hate as much as waking up late. So the day was in tatters even before it began.


As I am driving to work I notice my shirt is inside out, now this on the other hand is very positive, at least I notice it! Normally I wouldn’t until someone hours later would point it out, grinning. So I sneak into toilet as I arrive just to change it the right way around and try and slide to my desk unnoticed. Whish I am sure did not go unnoticed at all! At this point, I would very much liked to have had a cigarette. Like really, really liked it. However I am proud of the fact that I got to work for exactly 9am and the car journey alone takes 25 minutes and I am proud for not having had that cigarette.


On a more positive note I went to the smokers AA meeting again last night and this time there was quite a large group of people, and over half of them were finding it hard. It was about the bloody time! I thought that everybody were world class lying gits. Finally some honesty!!


In fact the lady sat next to me was sweating, shaking and totally unable to keep any part of her body still for the entire hour that we were there. The little demon inside me was dancing a victory dance and practicing it’s very best evil laughter. (Just in time for Halloween and all!)


It was day 9 yesterday and it was probably hardest day of them all this time for me so it was rather pleasurable to listen to all these people whining. It had been insane day at work where every single job went horribly wrong and nothing was working and I seem to recall I swore a lot, at some point I was getting raised eyebrows from the Supervisor and my colleagues for the profanities I was spewing out. Normally I am really not that bad at all. Somehow I think I managed not to swear at any customers, which is a bonus…I get to keep my job. I think. For now.



This week also the dreams have come back. Thanks to Champix I am having some weird and wonderful dreams, all night, every night. They are in fact so crazy I would need to write an entire separate blog of them, totally incognito as otherwise there is a small chance I would be sent to a soft padded cell in a local establishment for the mentally impaired. I am loving it though, wish this movie theatre could go on forever. It is amazing what crazy world one’s unconscious mind can be! Then again, my sleep pattern is totally messed up as it is since I get hardly no deep sleep at all as the sleep study found, which in theory should mean I don’t get much REM sleep either which is the dreaming sleep and which normally occurs after the deep sleep ie. delta sleep period NREM3 and 4. Hmm…work that out then Sigmund Freud! I must be a freak!


On that note, I think it is time to let the weekend commence. For me it is a working one, but never mind. At least I might get a sleep in on Sunday. Besides me being me, I have shitloads stuff to be getting on with with the little freetime I have. Might as well use it productively! Have a good un everybody and do drop me a line if you're bored :)