Why did I do such a thing after being smokefree for nearly 4 months. I really do not know, I just really wanted a cigarette and had one, then two and then 20. So all in all I had about 40 cigarettes in space of 10 days. And kicked my own ass after each one, but could not stop myself.
Nothing major happened in my life that upset me or such so there was no excuse. The last cigarette I had was 3 days ago and strangely I have been ok after that, ok in cravings wise, they have been there but not ridiculous, so I have had couple of nicotine gums a day and thats been enough.
I just really dont know what came over me, I have been pretty pissed off at myself and have had good tellings off from few people.
I was enjoying being non smoker, it was saving me loadsa money so why do back down that road?
It did help that I got a really bad cold and it reminded me how many colds I had last year and that stopped me on Wednesday. I was pretty much in bed in fever and with massive headache for Thursday and Friday sweating this cold out and only starting to feel bit better today. I would imagine I would still have it if I carried on smoking, it would develop into a chest infection and cough. Maybe this time, it won't.
I am feeling rather down in the dumps partly due to being poorly and partly due to being so disapointed in myself and life in general, but I will climb up, I will.
I apologise and try again. What else is there to do.
Tune of the day: Alter Bridge: I know It hurts. Have a listen, it is rather good.
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