Why bother?

I tell you what, this bloody quitting smoking thing is just total bull! I did half well yesterday and then ended up slipping and having a cig in the evening.  really lasted only like 12 hours. Pathetic! I am going to end up old, wrinkly and toothless before I succeed :(

And upon rising from my tomb this morning, had another one.

This has brought me to one conclusion, it is not wise to have cigarettes left in the house.(and in the car)

So today I have had 4 cigs. So really it is not even managed to be a quit day at all. I guess, we try to have Day 1 again tomorrow?

I really am feeling rather depressed about it, why is this so much harder 2nd time around? I guess I can answer that myself, I am not properly motivated, I bloody like it! There you have it!

I am like a walking advert for the cigarette companies. Jesus.

I decided to have a emergency teleconference with my Aunt who is also going thru the same thing at the same time in Finland. This made me feel slightly better, but it did not restore my willpower as of yet.

So now I am in a real dilemma. DO I go and smoke all the cigarettes left so that I can't just grab one when I so desire? This of course is assuming that I would not just walk into the shop and buy some?

Or do I just try not to have them, and then feel bad when I fail? Maybe make a nice wig out of them?

Feel free to comment...I am at end of my pathetic tether. Wondering why bother? Why oh why?