Foot and mouth disease

The latest in the non-smoking drama unfolds as this stupid day 11 comes to an end (thank god).

I started with really bad sleep last night, kept waking up and then woke up screaming my little head off after a nightmare at exactly 5:30. My poor dog fell out of bed scared of this monsterous looking madwoman with bloodshot eyes, beads of sweat and tears running down my face, and flaping about like a scizophreniac who just escaped from the straightjacket. This dream I have explained in detail to only 2 people and we shall leave it at that as I do not want it shared publicly, but I can assure you, it was horrible. So much so, that I had to text my sister at 6am, just to make sure she was alive and well. She came back few hours later with 'I am alive, but in hell they call work...' which made me feel so much better :D

Needless to say I started my day in a foul mood. And sometimes when you have that kind of start to your day, it just gets worse from there. It did.

It appears that this other woman has taken residence in my body, she bitches and moans about absolutely everything and everyone. (or maybe aliens performed a personality transplant??)
To the point of moaning about people and just to find them stood behind me. Staring. With an evil eye.

In total 3 times I have done that today to my shock and horror, and as this is not normally something I do all the time, I haven't been able to recover the situations in any good way at all, just gone red, turned away and sweated some more. And thought about crying but dismissed it as something that evil bitches like me should not really do, might ruin the image! After the person has walked away, I have been seen self-mutilating, beating my head with my fists, swearing in Finnish and internally screaming at my own idiocy. So I have come to the conclusion that I must have been infected with foot and mouth disease. If I haven't, I think I should. I think a foot in my mouth would be a really good this to get this god damn huge gob shut. Permanently.

I really, really have felt embarassed by this and I probably am creating an army of people who will hate me from this day to eternity. *Sigh* But apprently quitting smoking is good for me. (I keep trying to repeat that mantra over and over again)

I have also noticed that my memory and concentration has completely left me. Good example of this is from this wretched morning, I call a customer and leave a message on his mobile for him to call me back as I want to tell him about a job we have done and ask him something. He calls back exactly 10 minutes later and says 'You called'
I reply 'Did I? No I don't think I did' to which he laughs (luckily I get along with him quite well by now and speak to him daily) and after we repeat the above a few times he actually mimics my voice and my message (actually worryingly well) and only then do I remeber that YES I did ring him and then started the wondering about why did I ring him.(which he found very funny I might add, he did ask me how old I was exactly and when I was due to retire) After further 60 seconds, my brain finally decided to give me a tidbit and I remember what I was supposed to be talking to him about. SO not only have I got foot and mouth disease, I now also have dementia! But apperently quitting smoking is good for me!!
(I wonder if it is good for my job?)

I think tho, to be perfectly honest, part to do with todays disasters is the fact that I am going for a surgery in hospital tomorrow, and those who know me well, also know that my faith in NHS and doctors in general is rather poor, so I have used much of my brain capacity imagining all the possible scenarios of how this surgery could go wrong.

So just for the record, I want to be cremated, ashes can be thrown around Finland in gay abandon to any relevant spots that I may have hang about in my youth. At my funeral everyone needs to get drunk, that is an order! Dancing at tables is optional. So my sister gets my books, she can also have my shoes and clothes PROVIDING she shares them with Minna. And Minna gets the oils and the books about healing and herbs and things.

Dana says she wants the Audi, she is only getting driving lessons now and has promised me that she can damage it in no time, which would be a suitable faith for a 10 year old lady and since it is no good for anyone in Finland with the wheel on wrong side, I think she should have it. (What I am sure she wouldn't like is the 1800 pounds left of the loan to pay heheh!) Apparently she would also like the Wii, but I told her that she would have to have a boxing match with my sister and brother for that. (now that I would like to see!)

Guitar would go to the bro if he comes back alive from Argentina, as well as my technological things like phones, computers and so on. Rest, well there is only debt, so hopefully sale of the house would just about cover those.

So there, one testament, voila!
(Why do people need like lawyers- solicitors to sort these things out, it is very simple?)

After all that, I will probably be just fine and I have made a huge deal about nothing due to my need for cigarettes making every issue BIG. Most likely outcome is that I am fine by Monday and have to return to my rock hard SAS training schedule (LOL).

So that's it. I am off to see what horrors Champix has on the box office for me tonight!

Taraa!

PS: The picture in the beginning was rather suited for todays mood, I would really have needed that ONE smoke, just the one and all my worries would have floated away.