Day 2 - Frikk-a-geddon

I thought I was cruising along pretty nicely, I got somewhere around lunchtime before I was having hard time. It was really busy at work all day which was good, then this afternoon I had the pleasure to be shouted at by one customer for 20 minutes solid without me much getting a word in edgeways. I held the phone 50cm away from my head and half the office could hear him shouting, thats how pleasant it was. I did do pretty well not to lose my marbles and shout back, it was knife edge moment for sure. From that moment on I was not in a happy place at all and was thinking of various ways of murdering customers very slowly and painfully while having this crazy sheen in my bloodshot eyes.

I did march into bosses office first thing this morning, asked him if he has been told about swearing, bullying silly co-worker and he said he had heard and words with him have been had. I told him that should he try a similar episode this week that I would punch his lights out, the boss said to give him a nod before I do it and he will turn his back :D I did explain that I am likely to be stressed and on edge due to giving up smoking, just wanted to give him heads up before I do something really bad (I am likely, afterall I did mess up rather royally few things last time round) So at least I have advance warned him. Ha, I now have free reign of crazy!!! *I wish*

I also lost all concentration, it's what I like to call the goldfish moment, apart from the fact that it lasts for few days rather than a moment. This is what really will get me into trouble if anything. I just loose the ability to concentrate at all, in fact you can say something and quite literally seconds later I am asking you what you said. This on a breakdown desk is not good, you need to remember stuff when shit hits the fan and you have 25 juggling balls up in the air. I will the ADHD kid for a week or two I am afraid and there ain't nothing much I can do about it.

 I got into my car when work finished, sped off tires screeching from work, pulled over to Tesco and bought some wine and as I was standing at the till, remebered half a dozen things that I was supposed to have done before leaving office, all urgent. The cashier looked somewhat offfended and surprised as I let go various of swear words while getting my money out to pay for my shopping. I then blushed, apologised and started sweating and ran into the car. I sat there for few minutes considering if I should go back to work, or ignore it and do it all properly tomorrow. I decided it would have to wait, however being a fairly responsible person who likes to do her job well, by the time I got home I had played all the possible scenarios in my head of the boss calling me to the office and shouting at me, the co-workers being pissed off having to mop up after me and so on and forth that I dashed in, grabbed the dogs and my emergency fag supply and went to the park and had a cigarette.

It did taste rather awful, I am disapointed, but I am not going to beat myself over the head with it. I am not going to have another today if I can resist, or tomorrow if I am able. That is a far as I am willing to think about it at this moment in time. Just doing the best I can, one cigarette at a time. Right now I have had a lovely home made lasagne for dinner and could murder the head of state for just one cigarette but I will keep resisting. Also I am thinking that normally in the past 2 days I would have had approx 35 cigarettes, so one isn't really that bad.

But this quitting business is damn hard, who ever says it isn't is bloody lying and has obviously never smoked.

On a bright note, my chinese lodger and me had a first long nice chat, talked about english food, chinese food, is there really still the law in china about people only being allowed 1 child, (yes in the cities, poor people on coutry side can have as many as they want but mostly they starve as having too many when youre too poor means you all starve) and that the mainland china government has decided that facebook and twitter are banned, so you have to pirate, get a special software to get into facebook and twitter and you could get arrested or fined very heavily for doing it.(HONESTLY!!! Freedom of information my ass!!) And the unfairness of how hard it is to get a visa for a chinese person who just wants to holiday in Europe. And then we had discussion about how much things cost, like food and living. She then tasted my lasagne, I tasted her chicken with celery and both decided that both were awsome. Very enlightening indeed. It's good to bond.

Oh forgot as well, someone broke into my house last night. I woke up to dogs barking at 4am. Thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. Got up in morning and wondered why garden gate was open and why someone had moved my flowerpots from my window to the wall next to it. Put it all back as it was supposed to be, sat down with my coffee and then the realisation hit me: (yep, me dumb bitch, took me full 10 minutes) The window was wide open, they had moved the flowerpots so they could stand on the windowsil to climb in. Then I dashed around the downstairs madly, see if anything was missing. Nothing was. So the dogs barking had driven them away. THANK GOD! So pondering and fretting over this most of the morning drew my attention away from the fact that I didn't have a cigarette with my morning coffee. But very worrying that...this neighbourhood just lately had not been so great!!

And on that note, I smell very bad so I will go for a hot shower and wash my worries away, until whatever.

Cigarettes: 1
Wine: 1 bottle
Food: cereal, yogurt,pasta, bag of crips 25g, lasagne
Dates with elidgable bachelors: 0
Good chats with chinese people: 1
FreewayCER manuals printed: 4
Upset customers: 1
Music: Apocalyptica (to get the agro out) and Cafe Del Mar 20th Anniversary album to try and find my ZEN!
Excersise: what fucking excersise???? piss off! what can I eat next????